Seriously, I'm not that kind of girl who simply throw a bad words toward you. I just trying to tell you about how I feels. Honestly, I super duper jealous about yourself. You could do anything you want and nobody stopped you from doing that. You just love to be yourself and enjoyed every second in your life. You have a goal and dream to achieve...while me? Lost somewhere and I couldn't find myself. I though this semester I could changed and be someone like you, but I can't. It's really hard for me to be someone like you..who is taking serious about her life. I accept the truth that I can't be somebody in my life.
Lack of motivation could turned me to be someone like this!:
1. Who is pretending like knowing everything in her life.
2. Cheating because scared people will look down of her.
3. Being annoying and childish!
4. Negative thinking.
5. Losing her faith in Jesus.
6. Cursing people.
7. Being naughty and get herself in trouble.
8. Hurts people feeling and scold them because her own fault.
9. Blame her family because she feels like lack of love.
10. At the end, blaming herself because no faith and not confident to live in this world!
I'm always remind myself to be someone who have a good attitude, personality and be humble with other people. But, I failed to do so. I seldom fall into the darkness and loss everything. I couldn't find the light and I cry with no reason.
The thing that I really hate to do is hurting myself, family and friend feeling. When I hurts someone, I will cry and blaming myself about what I have done to them. I did it before with my mum and seriously I feels terrible about it. It's really hurt and I'm can't forgive myself until now. Last month, I attending the "Retret Hidup Baru" and I've been healed by HIM. And now, I feel free...but, there are something coming over me. I don't know what it is..but sure..bad thing could happen towards me. Now, because of my current personality..I hurts someone feeling. I feels bad about it. I wish everything will be okay. I don't want to loss people like you. Please give me one more chance to be someone in your life.
Love,
Shilon
